Please, Stop Blaming Yourself! [6 Effective Techniques to Increase Stress Resistance]

Recently I have been working with highly successful people that have really high stress resistance. And by comparing myself to them, it makes me wonder, what are the secrets of these extremely motivated people? What makes them go above and beyond even under tremendous amount of stress?

In a hope to excel and find the courage to live a life of fulfilled dreams, I spent some time studying and practicing about stress management. In today’s post, I would like to share about the effective techniques that I find really useful in increasing one stress resistance level.

First let me explain a little bit about the reactions when we are facing stress.

People with poor stress management when facing stress

They would blame themselves

Start procrastinating (to escape and find “fake” happiness)

Blame themselves more

Feeling upset about themselves

Persuade themselves to try again

Poor performance

Poor results

Blame themselves

Feeling of worthlessness

People with good stress management when facing stress

They would motivate themselves

Stay focus

Self assure and believe in own ability

Motivated actions

(1) Good Results

More motivated

Strong execution ability


(2) Poor results

Unexpected outcomes

They would motivate themselves (back to the first step above)

Through the compare and contrast, I come to understand that the MAJOR part to differentiate good/bad stress management is:


Highly motivated people with good stress management often have good self confident and always believe that good things (results) would happen.

And the ONE things that makes people handling stress poorly is:


In most cases, too much condemnation and putting oneself under pressure give poor results.

Sometimes we are under the false perception that stress can motivates us. But it is not the case. Stress will cause delays in many ways. Under pressure, our brains will be more likely to succumb to the temptations. Temptations such as gaming, overeating, smoking or internet surfing… Activities like that will secrete a substance called dopamine. This dopamine does not bring real happiness, it stimulates the desire of our physiological system, it makes us mistakenly think that these things will bring happiness. And when we are in face of stress, we have almost no resistance to the temptations that could produce dopamine.

In another words, stress could produce anxiety, depression and other negative emotions, which is co called the negative energy. Dealing with these negative energy will need a lot of will power and psychological resources, that is, to consume positive energy. So we got into a vicious circle: the greater the pressure, the more we need time and energy to relax, we procrastinate, overeat and play, and then after that, we realize we are losing the precious time to achieve the goals, then the stress level become bigger, and to escape, we procrastinate more… 

Many studies have shown that GUILT and SELF-BLAME will lead us to a vicious circle of “indulgence – self-blame – more serious indulgence”. Guilt and self-blame will reduce our self-esteem, let us feel that we are lazy, good for nothing, and thus easier to get us to indulge. Guilt and self-blame will bring more pressure, and the pressure will make us more likely to succumb to the temptation.

You see the point here?

From now on, we understand that self-blame is completely unnecessary when under stress. Instead, we should motivate ourselves, be more confident and prepare ourselves to face the challenges.


Here are a few techniques I find quite useful to share with all of you:

1. Stop Blaming Yourself.

Motivate yourself instead. Share with people about your progress (even minor ones) and focus on how to deliver great results.

2. Set Small Goals

Do not set goals that are just too big to accomplish. Break down your big goals into small steps and believe that it is possible to achieve. Take massive actions and reward yourself when you hit your “small” target. It adds to your confident and will improve your implementation skill.

3. Talk To Someone

Find someone you can trust and share with him/her about your stress. Having a proper outlet of stress is a very important and effective way to manage pressure. Better still, join a peer group with individuals that face the same stress (Such as mommy group or entrepreneur clubs…). It will present your more perspectives to the problems/ stress you are facing and offer your a good support network.

4. What’s The Worst That Could Happen?

Always ask yourself the question: What’s the worst that could happen? And think about the positive consequences associated with the worst case scenario.

5. Think Positive

Well, I know this is a hard one. But recently a psychiatrist friend shared with me a small technique to change one’s mindset. That is to write it down and recite it out loudly. For an example, I will read out loudly and repeatedly “When I think about finishing two assignments this week (or any other stressful event), I feel so motivated and believe that I can certainly do it with utmost confident.”

Every time when you accomplished a goal, write it down and reward yourself. Then you will realize, you have developed a habit to think positively.

6. Workout

Regular physical activity makes your feel better. A short 30 minutes session will leave you feeling less stressed. That is because physical activity stimulates various brain chemicals that may leave you feeling happier and more relaxed. And you may also feel better about your appearance and yourself when you exercise regularly, which can boost your confidence and improve your self-esteem.

Everyone has a threshold of stress that they actually enjoy. That is what makes work exciting and engaging. However when we go beyond that level, stress becomes detrimental, causing physical discomfort and poor decisions. This is quite a long post about increasing stress resistance level, a topic which I have been working on lately. I am grateful that I have been given the opportunity to work with extremely driven people that demonstrate to me how to handle stress the correct way.

Since we can’t eliminate stress completely, we might as well boost our ability to cope and it will eventually help us to face bigger challenges with confidence!

Thank you very much for reading and wishing you a wonderful week ahead!


P.S. These pictures were shoot on my birthday to signify a growing journey and embracing one’s true-self. Hope you enjoy the pictures as much as you enjoy the article 🙂

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